I ♥ Music

Friday, October 19, 2007,8:11 PM

last evening (19/10), was an emotional one. had CCA practice. i've never gotten any choreography that we did - perfectly at every showcase. every. and that goes with last evening's session. i swear i do not know what they saw. i observed the others and i believe that they did lot better than me, really and literally.

when they called for the second showcase, they called out my name. i felt the blood draining from my face. then i look at them, and they called out my name again. i was still trying to register and digesting the fact that they CALLED ME out. i was super stunned. i quickly stood up and went, feeling wobbly and floaty and still could not believe it.

and another chic got selected. when i saw her showcase earlier on, in my mind, she's so good and how i wish i can be as expressive and confident as her. so anyway, we did screw up some steps but as what they commented, we got the flavour. ain't that hot and spicy and *ahem* sexy?

after that they talked to us about our progress that does not seem to be much of a progress. okay, people. we must work harder, yo! emotional i tell you, emotional!

went home like almost 11pm. after shower, went out again to meet my cousin and her boyfriend and we hung out at canberra park. chilled till like 2.15am. first time i got screened by the police. i asked them whether anyone called to complain about us being there but we know that we were not a nuisance to anyone, really. too lazy to make noise.

they said no. its just that they were looking for three suspects that seems to be frequently patronizing the area we were in. what an ugly coincidence, three people (there were three of us) and at that hour too. lucky the cigs we had weren't contraband ones.

well, shall go off to help mom make pizza for coming guests. and of course, for me too. ey, i'm hungry.

sexy momma signing out. lol.

Thursday, October 18, 2007,4:36 AM

stop blaming others and start blaming myself

i know i had been a jerk and shallow last semester with school work and reports. i had a five minute soul-searching session with myself. i had come to realize.

the only thing i did that ruined everything was immersing myself into my emotions and left my rationality on the surface. i was too into whatithoughtwasformyimprovements did not brought out any good for me and especially for the people around me. and for that, i truly apologize to my mates and i know the only way to make you guys change your perspective of me is to see me change myself first. i am determined to do it. i am. and it is not just words this time.

i am willing to lose my pride for trust from others.

wait a minute. what pride? its just my evil snob inside me that i hate. its disgusting to hate other people for no reason. yuck.